How to Pray for Someone (When You Don’t Know How)
Dear church,
Does this ever happen to you?…you are going through your day and all of a sudden someone comes to your mind. You could be driving, in the grocery store, or watching television and for one reason or another, a specific person comes to your mind. You begin to think about this person, and you want to pray for them, and yet you’re not quite sure how to pray for them. I spend my days working with people and so for me, this happens a lot. Many times when I go to pray for this person, especially if it’s someone that I haven’t spoken to in a long time, I’m unsure of how to pray for this person. What I will often do in those moments is I will reach out to that person and simply ask, ‘How can I pray for you today?’
For a variety of reasons, sometimes reaching out isn’t possible. Maybe it’s late at night and it’s too late to reach out. Maybe that person is away, and you don’t have a way to get in touch with them. Maybe you don’t have their phone number or reaching out just wouldn’t be appropriate.
How can you pray for those persons when you go to pray for them?
How can we pray for people when we don’t know how to pray for them?
Over the years I’ve journaled several different ways to pray for people – even when I don’t know exactly their needs or specific circumstances…
#1 I pray for them to receive salvation in Jesus Christ.
First and foremost, this is my prayer for them. It’s my desire that everyone experience the authentic faith that comes through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I especially pray this for persons when I’m unsure of their faith and their walk with Jesus. I pray that their days and their moments point them to the love and grace that Jesus provides. I pray that God gifts them relationships in their life with other followers of Jesus so they can see our faith modeled in others. I pray that they acknowledge the God-sized hole in their lives that Jesus is meant to fulfill. I pray that they come to Christ wholeheartedly.
For God so loved the world, that He gave his only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through Him. ~ John 3:16-17 ESV
#2 I pray for them to have wisdom in their decisions.
Much of our lives are formed by how we process decisions. Scripture is full of admonitions and encouragement on the discipline of making wise decisions. Whether I know what someone is going through at a particular moment or not, I have found that prayers for wisdom in their decisions has been incredibly fruitful and timely.
If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. ~ James 1:5 ESV
#3 I pray for them to have love in their words.
How we communicate with one another oftentimes will reveal who we follow. Praying for how people communicate really gives me pause for my own words and my own ways of communicating. I especially will pray for this prayer for parents as they interact with their children, as they provide disciple and guidance so that their children are always reminded of their parent’s love.
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. ~ Ephesians 4:29 NIV
#4 I pray for them to experience joy and walk in peace through difficulties.
This can seem like an odd prayer to pray. Why or how would someone experience joy in the midst of suffering or difficulty? What does it look like to walk in peace? As followers of Jesus Christ, we know that joy is not superficial. We also know that peace is not found in temporary values or temporary things we might accumulate. Both of these ideals, joy, and peace, are not found on the outer layer of our lives. Rather they are found in the depths of our faith. When we go through difficulties in life they can help shape our faith as we rely on the foundations of our faith. There in the depth of our faith, lies our joy and our peace. They are found deep in our faith and provide the strength to continue on. I’m reminded often not to underestimate what people might be going through. Difficulty in life is not a respecter of persons. It’s something that affects all of us. Experiencing joy and walking in peace through difficulties gives us perspective in this world and gives us the hope of eternity with Jesus.
Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice! Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon. Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all He has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. ~ Philippians 4:4-7 NLT
#5 I pray for them to have a faith that is bold.
As a church family, we have been studying the early church through the book of Acts. In recent weeks we have taken a closer look at Paul’s first missionary journey and the highs and lows of his travels. What we have observed so far is clear: Paul was bold in his faith. And in his boldness, he was able to see his life be a living testimony of Jesus’ love, grace, and strength in his life. That’s the type of boldness I desire for my life and for the life of those I’m praying for. I pray that they will have opportunities to lean into their faith and showcase who Jesus is.
The wicked flee when no man pursueth: but the righteous are bold as a lion. ~ Proverbs 28:1 KJV
#6 I pray for them to have healthy and strong relationships.
I pray for both their horizontal and vertical relationships. Their horizontal relationships are those relationships include their family, friends, coworkers, neighbors, etc. I pray that those relationships are healthy and strong so that they can withstand the normal ebbs and flows that the relationship will go through. I pray for them to be able to be honest, vulnerable, and life-giving in those relationships. I also pray for their vertical relationship which is their relationship with Jesus Christ. I pray that they experience beautiful moments of worship, prayer, and Scripture reading in their quiet times. I pray that they have someone in their life that is mentoring them in their faith. I also pray that they have someone in their life that they are actively mentoring as well.
May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else, just as ours does for you. ~ 1 Thessalonians 3:12 NIV
#7 I pray for them to have true unity with other brothers and sisters in the faith.
The older I get, the more this prayer becomes vital for me. As I read Jesus’ prayer for His disciples in John 17 I am struck with how much He prays that you and I would be united with other brothers and sisters in the faith. It’s one of the reasons why we pray for another church in our community every Sunday in church. It’s one of the reasons we are clear to express that while ‘we are Christians only; we know we’re not the only Christians.’ I pray for people to not hold grudges against other brothers and sisters but rather, enjoy the forgiveness and freedom Jesus grants us in our relationships with one another. It’s been said that in the New Testament the Gospels encourage us to love God once in each Gospel. It’s also been said that in the New Testament the Gospels encourage us to love our neighbors just twice in each Gospel. But the command to love our brothers and sisters in the faith is repeated dozens and dozens of times throughout the New Testament. Unity becomes the evidence of our faith.
A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. ~ John 13:34-35 ESV
There they are. Seven ways to pray for someone when you’re not quite sure how to pray for them.
Let me let you in on two more parts of my prayer life…
One, this is how I pray for you. Every Tuesday afternoon I spend time praying for our church family, often with the Connect Cards from the previous Sunday and these are the things I pray over them.
Also, this is also how I pray for myself and my family. In fact, it’s one of the key axioms when I think about prayer: I pray for others in similar ways to how I pray for myself and my family.
The next time someone comes across your mind, start praying for them as you would pray for yourself and your family. The next time you’re tempted to have hostility, resentment, or anger towards someone…start praying for them in these ways. You’ll be pleasantly surprised how hard it is to hold hostility, resentment, and anger while you’re praying for someone consistently. The next time you go to pray for your children (whether they are grown and out of the house or not) start praying for them with this list. I think you’ll find your way thinking about prayer differently. The next time you go to pray for your wife and your family…start with these and see how the Spirit leads you as you pray.
Who will you pray for today?
I love you, church.
Pastor Daniel
(In upcoming issues of ‘Dear church’ we’ll talk about what NOT to skip this holiday season, five questions I ask when I read my Bible, how I study for a message, and what a week looks like in the life of your pastor)
